From Your Sister, Ashley

Michael, Brother, you are everything to me. I still can’t believe it all. I remember Sunday night leaving your house.The last thing we said to each other was “see you later”. I got in a fight with Pac that night. You were the first one i wanted to call, I needed someone to pick me up. It was about 2:30am. I should’ve called you. Maybe none of this would’ve happened. Maybe none of us would feel the way we feel now. Maybe you would’ve felt wanted, and needed.

Monday morning I had to wake mom up so she could bring me to register Kayleigh for summer camp because my car was in the autoshop. We were up at 6:30am. I heard the door bell ring and at first I thought nothing of it. Then i realized, “it’s way too early for anyone to be at the door” I ran to the front, still trying to put my shirt on worried about mom. I saw two police officers, mom said they wanted to talk to me. The first thing i thought of was “shit, did i get another ticket?” Then everything was all kind of a blur, I didn’t really hear what they asked but all i heard was “Phu Michael Tran” so the next thing that ran in my head was “this boy got in trouble” or “they reminding him about court”

Then I heard “he was on the I10 and got hit by a truck” mom started crying and asked “is he dead?” the cop said “yes ma’am”

Then it all hit me. I fell down.. I couldn’t believe it. I thought you were just injured and in the hospital. I didn’t believe you were gone. I still don’t It’s all so so so surreal.

I break down everyday when I visit you. First thing Kayleigh says when she walks in the door is “Hi Michael!” she never calls you “uncle Michael” its always “Michael” or “my Michael”

You picked me up everyday from school since i could remember. From middle school all through high school. Then you started to pick up Kayleigh from school almost everyday.

So weird huh? Kayleigh and Ethan adores you so much.

When I think about you, when I visit you. I just get this rush of emotions. I get mad, upset, pissed off. Why did you leave? You were supposed to teach Kayleigh how to play the guitar. You won’t be at my wedding. You won’t be at Kayleigh’s graduation. You won’t be there to scare off the boys that come by the house to take her out. You’re supposed to be there for all of us, like you always were. But that’s just me being selfish…

I tell myself you’re in a better place. I tell myself it didn’t hurt when it happened. I tell myself that you will always be here and always looking down. You will be our gaurdian angel. But at the same time. I’m still hurt.

I get hurt because you know we all are always here for you. I picked up your phone call no matter what time of day. I feed you, I wash your clothes….
I miss seeing you asleep on my couch. I miss you randomly showing up at my work and buying you lunch. I miss you telling me all your little issues. I miss calling you and telling you about my issues, and you always making me feel stupid about them.

I remember I started calling you “brother” and you went back and called me “sis”. I told you not to say that because it sounded weird. But those were our little jokes with each other. I miss your steaks loaded with garlic powder. Not garlic, but garlic powder, and always running to the bathroom halfway through the meal.
You taught me alot. Alot of things I probably should’ve never learned. You talked me into doing things for you and I could never say “no”. Alot of times I put my life on the line for you, and always thought to myself “the things my brother gets me into” but i knew it was to help you. I knew you needed me to do it because you couldn’t think of anyone else to. Recently I felt like I was the big sister sometimes and I didn’t mind at all. “He’s my brother” i would say.

I remember telling you “You’re not so pretty” everytime you would groom yourself in the mirror. I always watch you while you get dressed. Even when i was a little girl. I remember the time you asked me for mascara and I said I didn’t have any. ( I was too young to wear makeup) Then I followed you and you took moms, and you put it on. I made fun of you so bad! You said the girls in beauty school told you you would look good with mascara on. You are so damn crazy, you know that?

That’s the best quality about you. You never cared what people thought about you. Blue,red, white, green hair. Tattoos, peircings, you had no shame. You knew your personality would shine through your appearance. Everyone loves you. Everyone will miss you. Everyone will talk about you. I love you Michael. I wish I could’ve told you this before.

When i was little, I used to have nightmares about you. Every year like clock work. I don’t remember exactly what time of year it was, but it would be the same nightmare. It was about loosing you. It was only you and I in the dream. For some reason I guess I knew it was coming. I knew I would loose you. I never thought it would be like this. I’m so sorry if I couldn’t do anything to make you feel better. If i couldn’t make you feel safe. I pray you are doing well now. I pray it didn’t hurt. I pray you will always be around and keep us all safe, because you are always good at that. You always were helpful and the first one to be there. I know You still are.

My brother, Rest in Peace now. For now you are safe. I love you.
Your sis.